Last Week •• HBO's Bill Maher Sez:
"New Rule: The people in America who are most in favor of
the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The Army
missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month. More people
joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. "We've done picked all
the low-lying Lynndie England fruit." And now we need
warm bodies. We need warm bodies like Paula Abdul
needs...warm bodies!
Now, last week, a Baptist minister in North Carolina told
nine members of his congregation that unless they
renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave
his church. Well, if we're that certain these days that George
Bush is always that right about everything, then going to
Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem the
least one could do. And, hey, if it makes it any easier for
you, just think of it as a reality show: 'Fear Factor: Shitting
Your Pants Edition.' 'Survivor: Sunni Triangle.' Or maybe it's
a video game, 'Grand Theft Allah.'
Now, I know you're thinking, but, Bill, I already do my part
with the 'Support Our Troops' magnet I have on my Chevy
Tahoe. How much more can one man give? Well, here's an
intriguing economic indicator. It's been over a year since
they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins has been able
to find work. Why don't they sign up? Do they hate America
or just freedom in general?
And that goes for everybody who helped sell this war.
You've got to go first. Brooks and Dunn, drop your cocks
and grab your socks! Ann Coulter, darling, trust me, you
will love the Army. You think you make up shit!
Curt Schilling, b-bye! You ended the curse on Boston. Good.
Let's try your luck in Fallouja. Oh, and that Republican
Baldwin brother, he's got to go so that Ted Nugent has
someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr. And Mrs. Britney Spears.
Because Britney once said, 'We should trust our president in
every decision that he makes, and we should just support
that and be faithful in what happens.' Okay, somebody has
to die for that. Or at least go. Hey, maybe she'll like it. Hell,
she's already knocked up. That'll save the MP unit about ten
minutes.
And think of the spiritual lift it will provide to troops and
civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of
Kevin Federline's face and fills his low-hanging trousers
with dootie.
In summation, you cannot advocate for something you
wouldn't do yourself."
5:16:15 AM
