•• Fahrenheit 9/11 Producer Michael Moore •• Pens A Note
To GWB ••
"August 26 2004
Dear Mr. Bush,
I know you and I have had our differences in the past, and I
realize I am the one who started this whole mess about "who
did what" during Vietnam when I brought up that "deserter"
nonsense back in January. But I have to hand it to you on
what you have uncovered about John Kerry and his record in
Vietnam. Kerry has tried to pass himself off as a war hero,
but thanks to you and your friends, we now know the truth.
First of all, thank you for pointing out to all of us that Mr.
Kerry was never struck by a BULLET. It was only
SHRAPNEL that entered his body! I did not know that! Hell,
what's the big deal about a bunch of large, sharp, metal
shards ripping open your flesh? That happens to all of us! In
my opinion, if you want a Purple Heart, you'd better be hit by
a bullet -- with your name on it!
Secondly, thank you for sending Bob Dole out there and
letting us know that Mr. Kerry, though wounded three times,
actually "never spilled blood." When you are in the debates
with Kerry, turn to him and say, "Dammit, Mr. Kerry, next
time you want a Purple Heart, you better spill some
American red blood! And I don't mean a few specks like
those on O.J.'s socks -- we want to see a good pint or two of
blood for each medal. In fact, I would have preferred that you
had bled profusely, a big geyser of blood spewing out of your
neck or something!" Then throw this one at him: "Senator
Kerry, over 58,000 brave Americans gave their lives in
Vietnam -- but YOU didn't. You only got WOUNDED! What
do you have to say for yourself???" Lay that one on him and
he won't know what to do.
And thanks, also, Mr. Bush, for exposing the fact that Mr.
Kerry might have actually WOUNDED HIMSELF in order to
get those shiny medals. Of course he did! How could the Viet
Cong have hit him -- he was on a SWIFT boat! He was going
too fast to be hit by enemy fire. He tried to blow himself up
three different times just so he could go home and run for
president someday. It's all so easy to see, now, what he was
up to.
What would we do without you, Mr. Bush? Criticize you as
we might, when it comes to pointing out other men's military
records, there is no one who can touch your prowess. In 2000,
you let out the rumor that your opponent John McCain might
be "nuts" from the five years he spent in a POW camp. Then,
in the 2002 elections, your team compared triple-amputee
Sen. Max Cleland to Osama bin Laden, and that cost him the
election. And now you are having the same impact on war
hero John Kerry. Since you (oops, I mean "The Swift Boat
Veterans for Truth!") started running those ads, Kerry's poll
numbers have dropped (with veterans, he has lost 18 points
in the last few weeks).
Some people have said, "Who are you, Mr. Bush, to attack
these brave men considering you yourself have never seen
combat -- in fact, you actively sought to avoid it." What your
critics fail to understand is that even though your dad got you
into a unit that would never be sent to Vietnam -- and even
though you didn't show up for Guard duty for at least a year
-- at least you were still IN FAVOR of the Vietnam War!
Cowards like Clinton felt it was more important to be
consistent (he opposed the war, thus he refused to go) than to
be patriotic and two-faced.
The reason that I think you know so much about other men's
war wounds is because, during your time in the Texas Air
National Guard, you suffered so many of them yourself.
Consider the paper cut you received on Sept. 22,1972, while
stationed in Alabama, working on a Senate campaign for your
dad's friend (when you were supposed to be on the Guard
base). A campaign brochure appeared from nowhere,
ambushing your right index finger, and blood trickled out
onto your brand new argyle sweater.
Then there was the incident with the Crazy Glue when your
fraternity brothers visited you one weekend at the base and
glued your lips together while you were "passed out."
Though initially considered "friendly fire," it was later ruled
that you suffered severe post-traumatic stress disorder from
the assault and required certain medicinal attention -- which,
it seems, was provided by those same fraternity brethren.
But nothing matched your heroism when, on July 2, 1969, you
sustained a massive head injury when enemy combatants
from another Guard unit dropped a keg of Coors on your
head during a reconnaissance mission at a nearby all-girls
college. Fortunately, the cool, smooth fluids that poured out
of the keg were exactly what was needed to revive you.
That you never got a Purple Heart for any of these incidents
is a shame. I can fully appreciate your anger at Senator Kerry
for the three he received. I mean, Kerry was a man of
privilege, he could have gotten out just like you. Instead, he
thinks he's going to gain points with the American people
bragging about how he was getting shot at every day in the
Mekong Delta. Ha! Is that the best he can do? Hell, I hear
gunfire every night outside my apartment window! If he
thinks he is going to impress anyone with the fact that he
volunteered to go when he could have spent the Vietnam
years on the family yacht, he should think again. That only
shows how stupid he was! True-blue Americans want a
president who knows how to pull strings and work the
system and get away with doing as little work as possible!
So, to make it up to you, I have written some new ads you
can use on TV. People will soon tire of the Swift Boat
Veterans and you are going to need some fresh, punchier
material. Feel free to use any of these:
ANNOUNCER: "When the bullets were flying all around him
in Vietnam, what did John Kerry do? He said he leaned over
the boat and 'pulled a man out of the river.' But, as we all
know, men don't live in the river -- fish do. John Kerry knows
how to tell a big fish tale. What he won't tell you is that when
the enemy was shooting at him, he ducked. Do you want a
president who will duck? Vote Bush."
ANNOUNCER: "Mr. Kerry's biggest supporter, Sen. Max
Cleland, claims to have lost two legs and an arm in Vietnam.
But he still has one arm! How did that happen? One word:
Cowardice. When duty called, he was unwilling to give his
last limb. Is that the type of selfishness you want hanging out
in the White House? We think not. Vote for the man who
would be willing to give America his right frontal lobe. Vote
Bush."
Hope these help, Mr. Bush. And remember, when the
American death toll in Iraq hits 1,000 during the Republican
Convention, be sure to question whether those who died
really did indeed "die" -- or were they just trying to get their
faces on CNN's nightly tribute to fallen heroes? The 16
who've died so far this week were probably working hand in
hand with the Kerry campaign to ruin your good time in New
York. Stay consistent, sir, and always, ALWAYS question the
veracity of anyone who risks their life for this country. It's the
least they deserve.
Yours,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
P.S. George, I know you said you don't read the newspaper,
but USA Today has given me credentials to the Republican
Convention to write a guest column each day next week
(Tuesday to Friday). If you don't want to read it, you and I
will be in the same building so maybe I could come by and
read it to you?
Lemme know ..."
12:12:17 AM
