vacancy
USA Posting: Soon To Be Vacancy
USA CEO From January 20, 2005 To January 20, 2009
HIRE DATE: November 2, 2004
Applicant #1:
RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS (p)RESIDENT:
* I attacked and took over two countries.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
* I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed
in any 12-month period.
* I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the
stock market.
* I am the first president in decades to execute a federal
prisoner.
* I am the first president in US history to enter office with a
criminal record.
* In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most
days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking
the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over
the worst security failure in US history.
* I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by any
president in US history.
* In my first two years in office I allowed over 2 million
Americans to lose their jobs.
* I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
Americans than any other president in US history.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration
positions than any president in US history.
* I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any
president since the advent of TV.
* I signed more laws and executive orders amending the
Constitution than any other president in US history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and
refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and
refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million
people), shattering the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind
* I dissolved more international treaties than any president in
US history.
* I've made my presidency the most secretive and
unaccountable of any in US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration
in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
* I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of
the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
* I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in
any market in any country in the history of the world.
* I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against
the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* I have created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any other president in US history.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United
Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United
Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
* I removed more checks and balances, and have the least
amount of congressional oversight than any presidential
administration in US history.
* I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war
and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* I am the first president in US history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US
elections.
* I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most
corporate campaign donations. The biggest lifetime
contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best
friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy
frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
Corporation).
* I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any
president in US history.
* I am the first president to run and hide when the US came
under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to
Air Force One)
* I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow
government.
* I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less
than a year made the US the most resented country in the
world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world
history).
* I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the
people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and stability.
* I am the first US president in history to have the people of
South Korea more threatened by the US than by their
immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts.
* I set the all-time record for number of administration
appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge
investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
* I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
Americans than any other president in US history.
* In a little over two years I have created the most divided
country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has
been since the civil war.
* I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and
in less than two years turned every single economic category
heading straight down.
MY RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
* I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine
(Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
* I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the
military during a time of war.
* I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions
about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been
spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading
or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.
* All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I
served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
MY PERSONAL REFERENCES:
For personal references, please speak to my dad or Uncle
James Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle
Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the
US-Iraq war and plan for the next one.)
Intuitive*Analysis THINK About This WHO Should Be Entrusted
With The Majestic Democracy Of The Most Powerful Country
On The Planet?
[Thanks for contribution from David A]
12:01:34 AM
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